Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?

Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?

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A USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestseller

Learn how to fight better and end arguments feeling closer, more loved, and better understood by your partner. 

We take our cars in for oil changes. We mow our lawns and pull weeds. Why don’t we do maintenance on our marriages? This relationship is the most important one we will ever have, so why not get better at it?

For the last several years, Penn and Kim Holderness of The Holderness Family have done the hard maintenance and the research to learn how to fight better. With the help of their marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, they break down their biggest (and in some cases, funniest) fights. How did a question about chicken wings turn into a bra fight (no, not a bar fight; a bra fight)? How did a roll of toilet paper lead to tears, resentment, and a stint in the guest bedroom?

With their trademark sense of humor and complete vulnerability, Penn and Kim share their ten most common Fight Fails and how to combat them. Throughout the book, they offer scripts for how to start, continue, and wrap up hard conversations. Couples will emerge equipped to engage and understand, not do battle—and maybe laugh a little more along the way. 

In Everybody Fights, couples will learn how to

  • use “magic words” to navigate conflict
  • break free of secret contracts
  • banish the three Ds—distraction, denial, and delay
  • carry their own individual baggage while helping each other deal with theirs 

Penn and Kim want you to know you’re not alone. Everybody fights. Marriage is messy. Marriage is work. But marriage is worth it. Fight for it.


From the Publisher

everybody fightseverybody fights

everybody fightseverybody fights

After Reading Everybody Fights, You’ll Know How To:

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

kim and penn holderness

Make Fights Productive

Productive conflict hones, shapes, and refines your relationship. Discover how to be intentional about talking about your fights, to improve them moving forward.

Amend Your Secret Contracts

Secret contracts are the silent deals you make with your partner by default and through routine. Figure them out + see what needs re-distributing and evaluating.

Harness the Power of Metacommunication

Learn how to examine how you talk to each other, so you can come up with techniques that improve your communication.

Use Magic Words to Change a Fight’s Course

Come up with choice phrases and key words that, while they don’t solve everything instantaneously, help end your misery because they illuminate a way forward.

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